Mother and Daughter...

Image courtesy of inus12345 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Dear Mom,

$chool is really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can just $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,

$u$an

P.$. Thank$ for $ending the $weater.

***** 

Dear Susan, 

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. 

Love, 

Mom 

P.S. Thanks for your NOte!! 

URL: http://mnxian.tumblr.com/post/373024855 



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DL
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"Take a tip from nature-- your ears are not made to shut, but your mouth is!" --John Mason (from the book "Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight: How to Succeed No Matter What")

The Loan Officer and the Frog

illustrated by Dominique Liongson 

                             

There was a new Loan Officer named Ms Patty Whack. She was serving a frog who wanted a loan. The frog said, "I am a son of Mick Jagger. I want to give you this as my collateral for the loan." He handed over the plastic object to Ms Whack. Unknowing what to do, she took hold of his collateral and consulted her boss. After telling her boss about the matter, he replied:
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"It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

<badaboom!>

:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL
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"Take a tip from nature-- your ears are not made to shut, but your mouth is!" --John Mason (from the book "Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight: How to Succeed No Matter What")

Doggie Quotes

Image courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

When a dog runs at you, whistle for him.
— Henry David Thoreau

Who knew that dog saliva can mend a broken heart?
— Jennifer Neal

The dog was created especially for children. He is the god of frolic.
— Henry Ward Beecher

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.
— August Strindberg

You can’t surprise a man with a dog.
— Cindy Chupack

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo (dog food) is up to 99 cents a can. That’s almost $7.00 in dog money.
— Joe Weinstein

We could have bought a small yacht with what we spent on our dog an dall the things he destroyed. Then again, how many yachts wait by the door all day for your return?
— John Grogan

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

— Rita Rudner

URL: http://mnxian.tumblr.com/post/396863772


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DL
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"Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
--Charles M. Schulz

Flatulence Funnies

illustrated by Dominique Liongson

Joke #1

Q: Why does fart have smell?
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A: So that deaf people can enjoy them.
(Thanks for sharing, JR.)

Joke #2

Q: What did the sanitary pad say to the fart?

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A: You are the wind beneath my wings.

(Thanks for sharing, BC.) 

Joke #3

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud,so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better...
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I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me.... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

(Thanks for sharing, AS and FS.)

:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL
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"Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
--Charles M. Schulz

A Boss, Two Employees, and a Lamp

Image courtesy of iosphere / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In New York winter, senior manager, a junior manager and their boss took the same taxi to get to their lunch meeting. The boss found an old lamp and rubbed it. Then, out came a genie. The genie said, "I will grant only one wish to the one who holds this lamp." The senior manager grabbed the lamp from his boss and said, "I wish to be in a fast boat in the Bahamas with no worries." Poof! The senior manager disappeared. Quickly, the junior manager snatched the lamp and said, "I wish I am in California with beautiful women, delicious food, and intoxicating booze." And, poof! The junior manager disappeared...

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The boss picked up the lamp and said, "I wish those two idiots come back to work in the office after lunch." 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL
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"Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already
tomorrow in Australia."
--Charles M. Schulz

Funny Pick Up Lines (from assorted sources)

Image courtesy of stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

BOY: Miss, are you a keyboard?
GIRL: Why?
BOY: Because you are my type. 

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BOY: Are you religious?
GIRL: Yes.
BOY: Good, because I am the answer to your prayers. 

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BOY: Miss, you are like El Nino.
GIRL: Why?
BOY: Because you are so hot! 

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BOY: Miss, are you glue?
GIRL: No. Why?
BOY: Coz you stick to my heart. 

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BOY: What does ILY mean?
GIRL: "I Love You"
BOY: I love you too. 

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BOY: Miss, you're like a cigarette vendor.
GIRL: Huh? How come?
BOY: Coz you give me HOPE and MORE. 

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If I can rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL
-------------------------------------------------------
"Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already
tomorrow in Australia."
--Charles M. Schulz

Bubba and Forrest Gump

illustrated by Dominique Liongson 

Bubba tells Forrest Gump...

When I'm sad, I'm black. 
When I'm angry, I'm black. 
When I'm scared, I'm black. 
When I'm envious, I'm black. 
When I'm dead, I'm black.

When you're sad, you're blue. 
When you're angry, you're red. 
When you're scared, you're yellow. 
When you're envious, you're green. 
When you're dead, you're grey. 

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And now you call me "colored"? 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL
-------------------------------------------------------
"Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already
tomorrow in Australia."
--Charles M. Schulz