What is that?

 Image courtesy of Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Out from a pub, two drunken men walked together. They happen to see some brown stuff floating on the street canal. The first guy said, "See that? That is poop." The second guy said, "I don't think so, that is cake." They both argued and disagreed with each other. Then finally the first guy came up with an idea, "Fair enough, let's taste it. Then, we will find out who's right."

After the taste test, do you know what happened?

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The second guy said, "It tastes like poop. Gee, you're right-- it is poop. Good thing we didn't step on it." 

(Eeew!)



:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL 
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"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."

--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr

“Watch it! Jesus is watching you!”

Image courtesy of chanpipat / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It happened one black night that had long hours of power failure. There was house whose residents were out of town. At a cunning sense of timing, a burglar broke in this quiet home. Upon entering, he heard a cryptic voice saying, "Watch it! Jesus is watching you!" The thief felt nervous but proceeded to bag the prized elegant silverware. Again he heard out of nowhere, "Watch it! Jesus is watching you!" Trembling, the robber rushed to the state of the art laptop computer. Upon looting the laptop, he heard another "Watch it! Jesus is watching you!" Even when his heart was pounding more and more, he decided to find out where that voice is coming from. With his handy flashlight, he searched and searched. Then, he found a clever parrot saying, "Watch it! Jesus is watching you!" The puzzled burglar asked, "Why are you telling me this?" The parrot replied, "I just wanted to warn you." He asked, "What's your name?" The parrot answered, "Moses." The thief wondered and said, "What fool would name a bird 'Moses'?"

You know what the parrot said?

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"The same fool who named the dog 'Jesus'." 

(Woof!)



:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL 
-------------------------------------------------------
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."
--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr

Archaeological findings...

Image courtesy of Vlado / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Vlado / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Image courtesy of Vlado / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

An archaeological excavation was made in Russia. They have been digging for 100 meters deep. They found bits and pieces of copper wires. A Russian archaeologist concluded: "1,000 years ago, copper-wired telephone technology existed in Russia."

In the United States, archaeological excavation was also made. They dug 300 meters deep and found bits and pieces of fiber optics. According to an American archaeologist: "3,000 years ago, digital telephone technology existed in America."

In the Philippines, another archaeological excavation was made, too. They dug 500 meters deep and found nothing. A Filipino archaeologist reported: 

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"5,000 years ago, cellular phone technology existed in the Philippines."

(If you can't find wires, it's gotta be wireless.) 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL 
-------------------------------------------------------
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."
--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr

Funnies for Foodies

illustrated Dominique Liongson

Here is my collection of five alive Food Funnies passed on by word of mouths or funny reads...  


Q: What did the salad say to the chef?
A: "Don't look! Can't you see I'm dressing?"

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Q: What did BabyCorn say to MamaCorn?
A: "Where's PopCorn?"

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Q: Why is the pastry chef so cruel?
A: Because he beats the eggs and whips the cream.

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Q: How can you tell it's Ronald McDonald in a nudist beach?
A: He's the one with the sesame seed buns.

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Q: How many people does it take to make some chocolate chip cookies?
A: Twenty (20) people. One (1) to make the cookie dough and nineteen (19) idiots to peel the m&m's. 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL 
-------------------------------------------------------
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."
--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr

2 out of "10 Questions"

illustrated by Dominique Liongson

Our local paper runs a popular column called "10 Questions" that spotlights people who live in our community.

In addition to the usual inquiries about occupation and age, people are asked the questions that give a snapshot look of their personalities.

Recently one woman was asked, "What's the 'strangest' thing you ever bought?" She answered, "Dog toothpaste." Next question, "What is the 'most common' thing people say to you?"

Her answer: 

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"Where did you get such white teeth?"

(www.thegoodstuffnewsletter.com 14 December 2008) 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL 
-------------------------------------------------------
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."
--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr

The airplane, the priest, and the lion...

illustrated by Dominique Liongson

This joke has an airplane, a priest, and a lion. And this is how it goes…

Since the airplane in the sky ran out of fuel, everyone had to jump off the crashing plane. The priest, who hopped off, saw he was going to land next to a lion. Wishing for a compassionate lion to spare his life, the priest prayed, "Lord, please grant the lion a christian heart."

You know what the lion did? 

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The lion puts his hands together and said, "Bless us, O Lord. And these your gifts, which we are about to receive from your bounty…"

(The lion prayed before he ate you-know-who.) ;-)



:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL
-------------------------------------------------------
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot
change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom
to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."
--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr

"What" Jokes

illustrated by Dominique Liongson

Here are some of my What-jokes that I picked up from assorted sources…

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Q: What's a modem?
A: It is what you do to Dem grass when they grow too tall. 
(I don't cut the grass, I modem. :-)

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Q: What's an aardvark?
A: It is Vat you need a lot of to succeed in SVeden. 
(Hard work, huh? :-)

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Q: What's an ethernet?
A: It is what you use to catch the etherbunny with. 
(During ether-egg hunts too? :-)

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Q: What's a wok?
A: It is what you thWow at a Wabbit when there is no Wifle.
(You wok my world! :-)

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Q: What's a Hindu?
A: A hin lays iggs. 
(That's what a hen do. :-) 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL
-------------------------------------------------------
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."
--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr