Old Man in Heaven

Image courtesy of Michelle Meiklejohn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There was an old man in heaven who was seated looking at planet Earth with a long face. In a place of eternal happiness, this aged man caught the attention of Jesus Christ. 

Jesus approached him and said, "Sir, it puzzles me to see you unhappy in a place that knows no sadness. What ails you to look back at Earth with such bitterness?" The old man replied, "I was a carpenter in a previous life. By divine intervention, I was granted a son of my very own. I cherished every moment I shared with him. Then one day, he was missing. I searched everywhere and I failed to find him. Before I died, I wasn't able to know where he is. I wonder what he is doing now. I wonder if he still remembers me." 

Jesus was in tears and asked him, "Father?"

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With tears of joy, the old man lovingly embraced Jesus, and said, "Pinocchio!" 



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DL
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"Take a tip from nature-- your ears are not made to shut, but your mouth is!"--John Mason (from the book "Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight: How to Succeed No Matter What!")

Kangaroo in the Zoo

Image courtesy of Rob D / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There was a kangaroo who roams the zoo at night. Upon knowing that the kangaroo jumps very high, the zoo keepers built a 10 feet tall fence for it. The next day, they found the kangaroo roaming the zoo. So, they built it a 20 feet tall fence. The next day, the kangaroo was out again. When the fence was being built at 40 feet tall, the camel in the next cage asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"

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The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night."

(Silly old zoo keepers.) 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL
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"Take a tip from nature-- your ears are not made to shut, but your mouth is!"--John Mason (from the book "Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight: How to Succeed No Matter What!")

Speeding Ticket

Image courtesy of digidreamgrafix / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A man received a speeding ticket. It was a photo of his car with an identifiable image of his car license plate. He was billed $100.00 for driving beyond the speed limit. In reply to the ticket, he mailed a photo of $100.00 to the police station.

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In reply to that photo, the police sent him a photo of a pair of handcuffs. He finally paid the fine of his ticket.

(Silly old driver!) 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL
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"Take a tip from nature-- your ears are not made to shut, but your mouth is!"--John Mason (from the book "Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight: How to Succeed No Matter What!")

McAdobo

Pidro went to McDonald's Restaurant and queued in line like everyone else who wanted to order. 

When it was his turn to order, he said, "I would like to order one McAdobo Value Meal." Puzzled, the cashier said, "Sir, there is no McAdobo on our menu." Sure and certain, Pidro said, "Oh come on, there is McAdobo. That is why I came all the way here to order it. I demand I talk to your manager." 

The cashier called the manager. The manager said, "Sorry, sir, you have been mistaken. We do not serve McAdobo in any of our McDonald's branches." "But I heard it in your radio ads," insisted Pidro, "You do have McAdobo." And the manager asked, "Really? Which one?"

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Seriously, Pidro said, "It is the one that goes 'McAdobo-dobo-cheese-cheese-burger-burger please.'"

(Um, That was a McDouble Cheese Burger, not McAdobo, dahlin.) 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL
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"Take a tip from nature-- your ears are not made to shut, but your mouth is!"--John Mason (from the book "Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight: How to Succeed No Matter What!")

Koala Joke Series

Image courtesy of Michelle Meiklejohn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Q: Why did the first koala fall off a tree?
A: It was dead.

Q: Why did the second koala fall off a tree? 
A: It was playing follow the leader.

Q: Why did the third koala fall off a tree?
A: It was stapled to the second koala.

Q: Why did the fourth koala fall of a tree? 
A: It bumped a fridge.

Q: How did the kangaroo die?

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A: The four koalas and the fridge bumped the kangaroo. 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL
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"Take a tip from nature-- your ears are not made to shut, but your mouth is!"--John Mason (from the book "Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight: How to Succeed No Matter What!")

The Funeral Procession

Walking on the street were a lot of men, a coffin, and a dog. One male tourist asked the man leading the funeral, "Sir, who passed away?" The man answered, "My mother-in-law. My dog attacked her." The same tourist asked, "May I borrow your dog?"

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The man answered, "Sure. But you will have queue in line and wait like everybody else."

Ohhhhhhh-kaaaaaaaaay... 

:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL
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"Take a tip from nature-- your ears are not made to shut, but your mouth is!"--John Mason (from the book "Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight: How to Succeed No Matter What!")

Let’s Say It is Your Funeral...

A preacher man gathered his flock and said, "Let's say it is your funeral. People start paying respects at your deceased body. With your body in your coffin, what would you like to hear them say to you on that day?"

Three men answered this question.

The first one said, "I would like to hear them say that I have been a good family man."

The second one said, "I would like to hear them say that I have helped a lot of people."

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The third one said... "I would like to hear them say, 'Look, everyone! I think he's moving!'"


:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL
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"Take a tip from nature-- your ears are not made to shut, but your mouth is!"--John Mason (from the book "Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight: How to Succeed No Matter What!")