A substitute teacher, and the students’ names...

Image courtesy of Feelart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The substitute teacher was unfamiliar of the names of each student. She instructed them to stand up one by one, and say their name when it is their turn. One child stood up and said, "Jules." The teacher corrected him, "I do not accept nicknames. Your name is Julius." Julius sat down...

>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

The next child stood up and said, "Billius."

(When in Rome, do as the Romans do...) 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)

DL 

-------------------------------------------------------

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."

--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr

A lawyer was playing golf...

Image courtesy of Naypong / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A lawyer was playing golf when he got hit by a ball. When the player came over looking for the ball, the lawyer said, "I'm a lawyer, and this will cost you $5000."

"I'm sorry," said the golfer. "But I did say 'fore'." 

>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

"I'll take it," said the lawyer.

(Um, "fore" is not "four".)

Reader's Digest [Aust. ed.]; February 2009



:-( -> :-| -> :-)

DL 

-------------------------------------------------------

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."

--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr

A Baby's First Words...

Image courtesy of olovedog / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My son crawled for the first time while I was away on military service. I also missed Gabriel's first steps and was afraid I would miss his first words.

Each day, I phoned home and asked if he had spoken yet. Finally my wife said Gabriel had something to say to me. "Daddy, Daddy," I heard over the phone, and glowed with pride. Then my wife came back on the line and said, "You should come home as soon as possible."

"Why?" I asked.

>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

"Gabriel was speaking to the dog," she told me.

(True story :-)

Dominic Turgeon; Reader's Digest [Aust. ed.]; January 2009 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)

DL 

-------------------------------------------------------

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."

--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr

Oh, You Dog

Image courtesy of Vlado / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Ever notice the similarities between man and man's best friend? 

* Both take up too much space on the bed.

* Both have irrational fears about vacuuming.

* Neither tells you what's bothering him.

* Neither of them notices when you got your hair cut. 

* Neither understands what you see in cats.

"Funny Times"; Reader's Digest [Aust. ed.]; October 2007 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)

DL 

-------------------------------------------------------

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."

--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr

It happened at a cemetery...

Image courtesy of Witthaya Phonsawat / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Looking for family-tree information, my husband and I and our children were walking through a cemetery in our town. My husband and I were discussing the large number of children who died in the early 20th century. We discussed the probability of the different causes such as the flu epidemic or other illnesses.

Our four-year-old son, Jarod, was apparently listening. Because as we passed one headstone with a beautiful picture of the Last Supper engraved on it, he stopped.

He studied the picture for a few moments, then looked up at us. "I know how this child died," Jarod said seriously.
"How?" we asked.

>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> 

"Eating in a restaurant," he replied.

(True story.)

--Marcy Jackson; "As Kids See It"; Reader's Digest [Aust. ed.]; October 2007 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)

DL 

-------------------------------------------------------

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."

--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr

Jump-off-the-building joke...

Image courtesy of supakitmod / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

What is the difference between one jumping from the tenth (10th) floor and one from the second (2nd) floor?

From the 10th floor: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.. Splat!
From the 2nd floor: Splat! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah..

(Ouch!)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How about jumping of the building from the one hundredth (100th) floor?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.. Gasp! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.. Gasp! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah..

(That's a lot of gasps for air till you reach the ground!) 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)

DL 

-------------------------------------------------------

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."

--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr

Drink Bingeing...

Image courtesy of iosphere / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Two men were drink-bingeing in the bar. One of them said, "I can bet you that I can jump from the top of this building, and land afloat without touching the ground." The other guy said, "Ok, then. You're on." 

The first man jumped but his body was afloat, and not touching the ground. The second guy was stunned and said to himself, "Wow! If he can do it, I can do it too." 

This guy jumped. Unfortunately, he was splat dead to the ground. The bartender who witnessed them said...

>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>

"You did it again, Superman." 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)

DL 

-------------------------------------------------------

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."

--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr