Drink Bingeing...

Image courtesy of iosphere / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Two men were drink-bingeing in the bar. One of them said, "I can bet you that I can jump from the top of this building, and land afloat without touching the ground." The other guy said, "Ok, then. You're on." 

The first man jumped but his body was afloat, and not touching the ground. The second guy was stunned and said to himself, "Wow! If he can do it, I can do it too." 

This guy jumped. Unfortunately, he was splat dead to the ground. The bartender who witnessed them said...

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"You did it again, Superman." 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)

DL 

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"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."

--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr

The Dog Who Knows Karate...

Image courtesy of Grant Cochrane / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

A guy wanted to buy a pet dog for security reasons. The pet shop clerk said, "I know just the dog for you." He showed the customer a handbag dog. The customer said, "Him? Why that dog wouldn't hurt a flea!" 

The salesman said, "Looks can be deceiving. Watch." And he ordered the dog: "Karate the table!" And, "Heeeeeeeeeee yah! Chop!" went the dog who split the table in half. And he ordered again: "Karate the chair!" And, "Heeeeeeeeeee yah! Chop!" went the dog splitting the chair. And ordered again: "Karate the..." 

"Say no more," interrupted the customer, "He's perfect. I'll buy him!" 

He brought home the dog and told his wife that this is the perfect watchdog. The wife said, "Him? A watchdog? Looks like he can't hurt a flea." He replied, "Correction. He knows karate." 

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Amused, the wife said, "Now I've heard everything. Karate my foot."

(Heeeeeeeeeee yah! Chop!) 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)

DL 

-------------------------------------------------------

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."

--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr

The cannibals and three men...

Image courtesy of nuttakit / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Three men were caught by a cannibal tribe. These foreigners were brought before the cannibal chief. The chief said, "We grant one last request. Then we cook you, eat you, and make your skin into a canoe.

The first victim said, "I would like to smoke my last Havana cigar." He was given a Havana cigar, and he smoked it. The cannibals cooked him, ate him, and made his skin into a canoe.

The second victim said, " I would like a three course meal with a fork and knife." He was given a three course meal and ate it with a fork and knife. Then they cooked him, ate him, and made his skin into a canoe.

The last victim said, "I would like a fork." Upon a strange request, the cannibal chief asked, "A fork?" And the man said, "That's right." 

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He was given a fork and he starts pricking all over his body with it. Upon an unexpected action, the startled chief was shocked and asked, "What are you doing?" The victim with the fork said, "You're not gonna make a canoe out of me!" 

(Who would want to make a canoe from skin that is full of holes? Probably it would sink when afloat on water ;-) 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)

DL 

-------------------------------------------------------

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."

--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr