The Optimist...

illustrated by Dominique Liongson

The Optimist
Posted on July 21, 2008 08:19 by Brian Buffini

There’s a story of identical twins - one a hope-filled optimist who could see no wrong and the other a hopeless pessimist who believed the worst about every situation. The twins’ concerned parents decided to bring them to the local psychologist.

On examining the two boys, the psychologist suggested a plan to balance their personalities. "On their next birthday, put them in different rooms to open their gifts. Be sure the pessimist gets the best toys you can afford and the optimist gets a box of manure."

On the day of the twins’ birthday, the parents carefully followed the instructions and observed the results. As they peeked in on the pessimist, they could heard him loudly exclaiming, "I don't like the look of this computer... I'll bet this iPod will break... Timmy has a bigger toy car than this..."

Tiptoeing across the hall, the parents peered around the door to see the optimist twin throwing the manure up in the air and laughing excitedly:

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"You can't fool me! With this much manure, there's gotta be a pony here somewhere!"

So how are you looking at your circumstances? Are you complaining about what you have or don’t have? Are you willing to put up with some short-term discomfort for the pony on the other side? It’s your choice. I hope you make the right one.

It’s a good life!

Brian

http://www.buffiniandcompany.com/Blog/post/2008/07/The-Optimist.aspx

Thank you for sharing, Brian. 

:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL 
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“Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.”
--Charles M. Schulz

Room #6...

Image courtesy of Stoonn / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Another busy day, there was a looooong queue upon the entry to Heaven. St. Peter questioned each entrant. He asked the first entrant of the day, "Religion?" 

And the first answered, "Buddhist." St. Peter instructed, "Please proceed to Room #9. When you pass Room #6, kindly be silent and tiptoe quietly," and then he
called the second entrant, "Next? ...Religion?" 

The second answered, "Muslim." St. Peter instructed, "Please proceed to Room #12. When you pass Room #6, kindly be silent and tiptoe quietly," and then he called the third entrant, "Next? ...Religion?" 

The third answered, "Judaism." Saint Peter instructed, "Please proceed to Room #15. When you pass Room #6, kindly be silent and tiptoe quietly." Puzzled, he asked, "Why must I be silent and tiptoe quietly upon passing by Room #6?" St. Peter replied...

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"There are Catholics in Room #6. They think they are the only ones who are saved." 



:-( -> :-| -> :-)

DL 
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“Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.”

--Charles M. Schulz

The $5,000.00 loan...

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Before going to Europe on business, a man drives his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and asks for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requests collateral. "Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce," the man says. The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping and gives the man the $5,000. Two weeks later, the man walks through the bank's doors and asks to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest," the loan officer says. The man writes out a check and starts to walk away. "Wait, sir," the loan officer says. "You are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"

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The man smiles, "Where else could I find a safer place to park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"

http://www.ajokeaday.com/Clasificacion.asp?ID=13 

:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL 
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“Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.”

--Charles M. Schulz

Lotto joke

Image courtesy of graur razvan ionut / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Larry wins the lottery and dashes to town to claim his prize. "Give me my $20 million," he tells the man in charge.

"Sorry, but it doesn't work that way," the man says. "You'll get a million today, and then the rest will be spread out over the next 19 years."

Larry is furious. "Look, I want my money..."

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"...and if you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"

Reader's Digest [Aust. ed.]; May 2009

(Heyyyyyyyyyyyyy, isn't $1,000,000.00 on the spot and for the next 19 years-- to total $20,000,000.00-- a whole lot bigger than a dollar refund? The one in charge would loooooooooove to collect Larry's $19,999,999.00 after refunding Larry's $1.00. Silly old Larry!) 

:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL 
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"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."

--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr

Headlines...

Image courtesy of vectorolie / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Hold the presses!

Four of these headlines come from real news stories...
(Editor: ...while I add to the fun. ;-)

* "Couple recalls war years, 63 years of marriage"
(Editor: War years within 63 years of marriage? What motivated them to survive mutual abuse? ;-)

* "Gun who killed officer said to have had mental problems"
(Editor: Now guns need professional help... ;-)

* "Smokers asked to keep butts off beach"
(Editor: Did they mean cigarette ends or rear ends? ;-)

* "Volunteers needed to help abuse victims"
(Editor: It seems they can no longer afford paid workers to beat up victims... ;-)


Source: Reader's Digest [Aust. ed.]; May 2009 
Editor: (me ;-)

:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL 
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"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."

--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr

How We Got Into This Financial Mess, a parable...

Image courtesy of Teerapun / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

As a stockbroker gets out of is BMW, a car slams into the door, shearing it off. When the police arrive, the stockbroker is apoplectic.

"See what that idiot did to my beautiful BMW?" he shouts,
"Do you know what this car cost?"

"Sir," says the officer, "you're so worried about your car that you haven't even noticed that your arm was ripped off."

The stockbroker takes a look at where his arm once was and screams...

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"Where is my Rolex?!" 


Reader's Digest [Aust. ed.]; May 2009

:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL 
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"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."

--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr

Diplomats...

Image courtesy of chawalitpix / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

It was a full day international conference at a hotel. At breakfast, the Filipino diplomat was seated next the French diplomat. Before eating, the French said, "Bon appetit." Upon thinking this guy was introducing his name, the Filipino mentioned his name, "Juan de la Cruz."

At lunchtime, they were seated together again. Before eating, the French said, "Bon appetit." And, Mr. de la Cruz said "Juan de la Cruz."

Later, Mr. de la Cruz learned from someone else that Bon appetit means 'Enjoy your meal.'

Then, it was dinnertime. Mr. de la Cruz was seated with the same French diplomat again. Before eating, Mr. de la Cruz took the chance and told him, "Bon appetit."

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Graciously, the French replied, "Juan de la Cruz."



:-( -> :-| -> :-)
DL 
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"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference... and the sense of humor when I don't know the difference."

--Joel Goodman adding to Reinhold Niebuhr